Venting and Whining.. Just because I can.

You know, Life sucks donkey balls. We still have to deal with it. Men deal with things their own way, which usually, is to ignore things and think they will disappear. We women, we are the worrier's and thinkers. We carry stuff around on our shoulders like that man with the world on his back. I'm too tired and lazy to go look up his name and post a link here. Deal with it.

I'm worried. I'm worried for a lot of reasons. I'm worried for my friend who's husband has a tumor. Make that TWO friends whose husbands have a tumor. I'm worried a friend won't get her dream house. I'm worried another friend is severely depressed. I'm worried another friend whose husband died because he wasn't "good enough" in some way shape or form for a lung transplant. His wife simply unplugged him. God forbid he should linger in the hospital making an enormous bill no one could pay. He had a heart attack, triple by-pass. All that went well. Afterward he was having trouble breathing and they found some type of non cancerous tumors in his lungs, he had severe emphysema and COPD. He hadn't smoked in 30 years or more. He was a cancer survivor. He had no saliva glands from that. Constantly drank something. Never saw him without his coffee mug in his hand or near-by. I don't know who all made the decision, but they just unplugged him and let him die. His wife told me it took him three hours to die after they took away his breathing machine. I think that just sucks donkey balls in the worst way. OK.. This falls into the pissed off category. I AM worried about his wife though. She doesn't have the sense God gave a flea and she herself has lung cancer which, apparently, she is beating. She has never lived alone. They celebrated 45 years of marriage this past summer. I'm worried about another friend whose commute to and from work, her workday, and other things on her plate is going to wear her out way too soon. She has too much stress and stress will kill you.

And, I'm pissed off. I wanted to have Thanksgiving here, sort of. But hell no. God forbid I change a tradition and upset the freakin' cart. We will, again, be having TG at my MIL's. There will be one steamed bird. Can't call it roasted because she tightly covers it in heavy duty aluminum foil while it cooks. Seasonings you ask? HA! That bird looks like a Northerners butt shining in Florida in the summer. No offense to all my Northern friends but that bird is WHITE. There will be ham, thank goodness. At least that makes up some for the PINK STUFF. I won't cook anything. I've tried and my food has been deemed "too weird" and it won't be eaten. So FUCK IT. *sigh* I'm also pissed off at my BIL. But that's a can of worms we won't dive into right now.

And I am mad. I'm mad because I am broke and at the mercy of the friggin' Social Security Office. My account was frozen this month because, according to THEM, I did not comply. Sounds sort of like.. didn't assimilate doesn't it? Well, damn them, I DID TOO COMPLY. I faxed them what they wanted through the local SS office. They never sent me a letter saying what I sent wasn't right or wasn't enough they simply froze my account. I did not get paid this month. AND, they still are holding my back pay. I've called SS twice, the 800 number. I did what they wanted me to do AGAIN. Now, it is back to the waiting game. In the meantime I have no money to deposit in the bank this month.

My not having any money this month has really cut us short. That person I live with took two checks he receives and had them stopped. He reinvested the two checks he had. That means we are almost $1900 short "pay" from now on. I have to learn to live without that almost $1900 a month. Dammit, don't spoil me with having plenty of money, but being careful with it to having a whole friggin lot less money and my having to scrimp and scrounge again. It's just not damn fair. I DO understand why it had to be done, but gee whiz... it sucks. It comes too at a time when I have the wants. I WANT a new sofa. The sofa I have is filthy, worn out and was my ex MIL's and I want it and all the bad cooties OUT OF MY HOUSE. I also want new carpet at LEAST in the living room. But now I have Miss Princess Tiny Tiddles and Turds to deal with. I mean Princess Teenie Weenie, the precious baby. (shit head) I WANT new curtains for winter. This trailer gets COLD. I WANT the living room ceiling and the kitchen ceiling painted. What a friggin' pain in the ass. I also WANT most of the walls in this trailer fixed and painted. Some of my walls have holes and or cracks in them because of the trash that lived here before. All this ain't happenin' I tell ya. I want a gardener/landscaper. I want my sister to MOVE OUT. It will take a year to get the smell out of her bedroom. I WANT stuff. Kitchen stuff, bath stuff, bedroom stuff.

Then I think, here I am..roof over my head, more than enough food as evidenced by my fat ass, money in my pocket, the bills paid. DH and I are in fair health and trying to work on making it better. And I think of my friends and their troubles and I am ashamed of myself for being so petty.

With this being said... I feel somewhat better having just typed it out. I'm going to bed now. Goodnight, Sweet Dreams and Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite! See you when Mr. Sunshine wakes up!