Sunday, November 30, 2008

I'm thankful it's OVER..

So. This is my whiny post. My friend told me I need to vent here. Feel free to skip this post. :) This IS my venting place though and it's why these are not funny happy posts. I need another blog for every day..LOL

Thanksgiving sucked. I think this is one of THE worst Thanksgivings I've ever had. Monday or Tuesday I was given an ultimatum. Either go to my SO's family's house for TG or consider myself not part of the family. IE: get out. Since my income is screwed up right now and I have a child to care for AND my sister is still living here AND I have no other place to go, I put up and shut up and went to his family's for TG. I wanted to stay here, at least part of the day, and go to my nieces house. Her first house, her first baby (which I still have not seen), their first TG in there new house with their new baby... you get the picture. But, no, I caved. I didn't stand up and fight for myself. I said "yes sir" and went to freakin' Alabama. I know being miserable was my own fault. I should have smiled more, joined in more...etc, etc, .. whatever. However I WAS MISERABLE. His Mother (and the rest of the family) don't appreciate food for anything more than "be thankful you have something to eat even if you don't like it" and "when I was a little girl we didn't celebrate Thanksgiving. It was just another day and you were thankful to get beans." OMFreakin'G if I hear that one more time I think I will absolutely instantaneously, spontaneously burst into flames.

Dinner consisted of...
A ham, tightly wrapped in Heavy Duty aluminum foil and more or less boiled until it was dead.
One turkey, cooked the same way. No seasonings. Just turkey and HD aluminum.
Green beans ..just green beans with lemon pepper. The way they are cooked every day.
Mac and cheese...from a box. She got fancy and bought Velveeta brand Mac & Cheese
Cole slaw... cabbage and mayonnaise. No seasoning.
Pink Salad. It is pink, has Cool Whip and a can of fruit cocktail. It tastes like Strawberry Quick.
Deviled eggs... egg yolks, mayonnaise.. stirred and stuffed back into the whites.
Dressing...made w/ ham juice poured in it..
Baked beans...from a doctoring...just heated up
Corn Salad a neighbor sent.. (tasty) canned corn, bell pepper, onion, egg white, mayo, s&p

boxed yellow cake w/ canned chocolate icing
boxed cheesecake mix w/ cherry pie topping
pecan pie.. home made, under cooked runny eggy mess

I'm sorry, and I probably AM sorry for complaining but people THIS IS NOT TG FOOD.

We assembled in the kitchen all but two standing in a loose circle around the table, Mother trying to goad her 2nd son and his new wife, which she doesn't like, into saying the blessing "since ya'll go to church" @@. He declined, his wife declined.. arguing ensued and Mother finally said a blessing. Everyone fixed plates and scattered. A side note, neither the brother or his wife said one single word to me even though I spoke to them. Whatever.

An hour later, everyone had eaten, brother and his wife had gone, Emily and Autumn were bored and fighting over toys, Mother had made Emily angry by taking toys from both of them and kept pushing Emily.. "what? you are mad at me? I'm tired! I don't want to hear fighting over toys. You aren't a baby." .. God I had to bite my tongue. Then Mother gets up and loudly declares "Everybody is mad at me and I don't care." Then she threw down a dish towel or something and went into the bathroom and proceeded to throw up or pretend to throw up.


The rest of the family leaves. This leaves me, Em, the sister and my SO. Sister starts fixing her hair, looking for make up... Mother asks where she is going and then gets mad again because she is going to spend time with some friend. Mother starts muttering under her breath how mad the daughter makes her yet she does nothing to stop her and actually enables her lifestyle.

The next day, I'm sitting in my house in my pj's still and SO comes in and says "pack up girls we are leaving." HUH? Excuse me.. the house is a mess, there is laundry to be done, the sink is full of dishes, we haven't put up the tree and you want to leave WHEN? I asked couldn't he go do what he needed, give me time to clean up, pack up and come back but noooooo that was too hard because he would have to back track to come back and get us. Whatever.. His trailer and truck are more important. We were gone within an hour. SO wanted to work on the trailer before it started raining because he was towing home a big old dump truck. I spent the next 8 (?) hours at the son's house either in the truck or sitting inside watching Sponge Bob screaming on the TV. (WAY too loud) I walked around outside. I played with Em on the swing. I played with the dog. My cat was in the truck in the carrier for almost the entire time. Pizza was finally ordered for dinner and that was good. I ate too much of it. The boys (kids) came in ..had shot a deer.... Needed another gun to kill it. :-\ It was a small buck, no antlers yet, just buds. The boys were just going to cut the tenderloin out . They had no idea how to gut it, cut it up, nothing. Came in the kitchen looking for a knife to cut it up with. Nothing big enough or sharp enough. @@ Finally they called someone that knew what the hell they were doing to cut the deer up. It had been dead over an hour so I don't know how good that meat is going to taste.

We finally left there around 9 pm.

We got home only by the Grace of God. Still a ways from home, we were coming down a hill and blew a tire on the trailer. Normally the road is only two lanes but we, luckily, had just come into where the truck lanes are because the hill is steep. We had three lanes to swerve around in. Thankfully, there was no traffic. I saw lights in front of us at the top of the hill but no cars were near us. You know the cartoons where the trailer is in front of the vehicle towing it.. and the vehicle is trying to catch up. That's what it was like, only scarier. It's a thousand wonders we didn't roll the truck and the trailer. It was fish-tailing and twisting badly. I felt the wheels come off the ground. Em started screaming. I lost the dog. She had been in my lap. I was holding the cat and he was now digging into my arm. I shushed Em and said out loud, "Dear God in Heaven..." and then I think I thought "protect us"...and the truck straightened out. We were able to make it up the other side of the hill to the gas station. The lights I saw coming down the hill belonged to two men inside the store. They said they saw us coming down the hill...sparks flying from the rim of the blown out tire.

Oh, and Em's only comment... "Dad, I can't find my CD's now!!" Goofy kid..had no idea we were almost killed.

Today, I've done nothing. We ended up with hot dogs for supper. I don't think SO even realizes how pissed off I am. I am not saying anything right now. I have to get some things in place in case he decides to kick me out. And that, is a whole 'nother can of worms. I'm not living like this. Living with the constant fear I'm going to displease him and he is going to tell me to leave. I'd rather just leave, on my own terms, with housing in place. kwim? I love him, but I'm not living with ultimatums and threats.

He is off one (or more) of his meds for depression. He quit them cold turkey. That's a no-no. I learned that the hard way. He says he can't get them until he gets insurance/drug coverage. He says it is my fault he has none because I didn't help him choose a Medicare plan a year ago. OK, whatever. Either get back on your meds or I call it quits. I'm not living like this. Some things in life you just have to bite the bullet and pay for.

OK Rant over for now.

If you got this far you are either a glutton for punishment or a true friend. :) Reward yourself if it's the latter.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

My Friend Gail

Surfing some of my favorite blogs I came across this award on The Life and Loves of Grumpy's Honeybunch. I don't know blog protocol but this award HAS TO go to Gail. She is THE BEST EVER scribbler!! If you ever need an update from a few message boards we frequent all you have to do is ask Gail for an update. You will get the FULL STORY, the REAL DEAL. She doesn't beat around the bush and candy coat the updates. Not that she gossips or anything....just sayin'.
I've never met Gail in person. I've been talking to her via computer and telephone for ...I don't know how many years now. I'm not sure sometimes if IRL Gail and I would be good friends. :::ducking::: You KNOW I love you Gail!! She is an opposite to me. Gail is outspoken and from New York. She has brass. She talks like a pirate and tells Greek, or was it Russian, men they have teenie weenies. I think I'm a'skeerd of Gail! One thing I know about Gail is she always has your back. I'm honored to be called friend by her. :)
So..ahem...Here is your award Gail! Display it in good health!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


My friend Shirla of Shirla's Life gave me this award!! Isn't it beautiful? I am honored to receive it. Check out her blog!

The rules are I am to pick 10 blogs that I think are really cool and give them this award too. This might be hard because I am new to blogging and reading blogs!

Here are my 10 in no specific order:
Home Ec 101
A Year of CrockPotting
Frugal Finds From your Frugal Friend
Frugal Finds From your Frugal Friend
Priscilla's Baking Adventures
Ok I give up.. I don't have 10. lol I need more blogs to read!! :)
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the ones I listed and that they come get their award!!
Ruta :)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Gibberish Volumn 2

So today, I go to the doctors' office for blood work. I called ahead and told them I *think* I am having an allergic reaction to some meds the doc gave me Friday, could they squeeze me in around my lab time. Nope. I can wait around an hour after my lab time and they *might* be able to squeeze me in then. I left a message for the doc to call me. Her nurse was waiting for me when I got there. I think my bitching has made an impression. :) It was determined I was not having an allergic reaction but that my "infection" (in my ear) was worse and causing other symptoms. OOOOoooooooo K. If you say so. They changed my script for the antibiotic anyway.

The list of side effects of the antibiotic I was taking, which BTW I had never taken before, were as long as your arm. The rare side effects included things I was experiencing. SOMETHING was causing an allergic reaction yesterday and some today. I thought it was a burlap sack of potato's that had been brought into the kitchen. I was standing at the sink peeling taters. My sister was in the shower off the kitchen. All of the sudden all I can smell is her body wash and I start sneezing. I thought someone had sprayed air freshener which is a NO NO around here. I have not had an asthma attack in forever and a day but I had one grand one yesterday. A couple puffs on an inhaler and I did feel better. Chest still felt funny this morning. I was having some symptoms before the asthma attack. I'm not really sure now what triggered it but I am putting my bet on the new antibiotic. What was it you ask? Avelox.
Drug Information for Avelox Oral - WebMD

I met with a man today who reminded me of Bull on Night Court, but smarter. :) He works for the company that will be supplying my insulin pump. It may be a month before I actually get it, but, I agreed to give it a try. My AIC, though high at 8.9, was lower than it was 3 months ago. It's been really, really hard to get it to 8.9. I am NOT watching my food like I should. I love to eat and carbs, which turn into sugar, are my downfall. There is another patient in my doc's office whose AIC was over 12.0, He agreed to the insulin pump and within 45 days his AIC is within normal range. What's an AIC? AIC is a 3 month average of blood sugar.

Some of my labs came back today. My female hormones.. the doc said.. I am almost there. I am ASSumeing that means in or through menopause. :-\ AF has been here for at least a month if not more and I could bite the heads off nails. Menopause makes me sad. I always wanted children and never could have but the one, God Bless her. Menopause (among a multitude of other health problems) is the end of the dreams of having children to me. Oh well. God knows what He is doing. :)

A funny note, The Child was playing with the cat wand tonight pretending it was HER wand. She asked me what I wanted and I told her... a million dollars!! She looked at the wand, looked back at me and saidin a seriously deadpan voice......I don't think my wand has that. :::thud:::

Funny child.

She also got her first progress report. She had checks beside everything except one. The one was highlighted in orange and that signified she needed extra help on it. She needs extra help on knowing what a nickle is and how much it is worth. I think we can handle that... :)

She is such a good reader. I am so proud of her!!

I got called a bitch this week. By a stranger!! I have a very dry sense of humor. A girl cut in front of me in the line for customer service. She coyly turned around and looking over my head asked someone behind me .."Oh, are ya'll in line? Well, I just need to use the phone." @@ Whatever. she was young. Teenagerishly young. My turn to the cashier, and she had to stop what she was doing with me to fix the phone so the girl could call out. She made her call, apparently got no answer and while the cashier was taking care of my returns the girl caught our eyes and in an angelic faced, sweet voice said, "My husband left me here." Well...... I couldn't resist and I asked her, "On purpose???" and giggled. I was looking for the return sticker on her. The cashier asked if she wanted to call a cab. The girl rolled her eyes and called us bitches. LOL I said to her, HEY ...that wasn't nice. We WERE trying to help! I don't know what she mumbled when she walked off. The cashier and I just looked at each other and laughed. I said, "I KNOW why her husband left her here!!!"

That is my gibberish for today. I have friends that have received blessings and still need more and other friends that are waiting on blessings so I will say keep Mz. Ruta Baga's friends in your thoughts if you are so inclined. God knows what they need. :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Venting and Whining.. Just because I can.

You know, Life sucks donkey balls. We still have to deal with it. Men deal with things their own way, which usually, is to ignore things and think they will disappear. We women, we are the worrier's and thinkers. We carry stuff around on our shoulders like that man with the world on his back. I'm too tired and lazy to go look up his name and post a link here. Deal with it.

I'm worried. I'm worried for a lot of reasons. I'm worried for my friend who's husband has a tumor. Make that TWO friends whose husbands have a tumor. I'm worried a friend won't get her dream house. I'm worried another friend is severely depressed. I'm worried another friend whose husband died because he wasn't "good enough" in some way shape or form for a lung transplant. His wife simply unplugged him. God forbid he should linger in the hospital making an enormous bill no one could pay. He had a heart attack, triple by-pass. All that went well. Afterward he was having trouble breathing and they found some type of non cancerous tumors in his lungs, he had severe emphysema and COPD. He hadn't smoked in 30 years or more. He was a cancer survivor. He had no saliva glands from that. Constantly drank something. Never saw him without his coffee mug in his hand or near-by. I don't know who all made the decision, but they just unplugged him and let him die. His wife told me it took him three hours to die after they took away his breathing machine. I think that just sucks donkey balls in the worst way. OK.. This falls into the pissed off category. I AM worried about his wife though. She doesn't have the sense God gave a flea and she herself has lung cancer which, apparently, she is beating. She has never lived alone. They celebrated 45 years of marriage this past summer. I'm worried about another friend whose commute to and from work, her workday, and other things on her plate is going to wear her out way too soon. She has too much stress and stress will kill you.

And, I'm pissed off. I wanted to have Thanksgiving here, sort of. But hell no. God forbid I change a tradition and upset the freakin' cart. We will, again, be having TG at my MIL's. There will be one steamed bird. Can't call it roasted because she tightly covers it in heavy duty aluminum foil while it cooks. Seasonings you ask? HA! That bird looks like a Northerners butt shining in Florida in the summer. No offense to all my Northern friends but that bird is WHITE. There will be ham, thank goodness. At least that makes up some for the PINK STUFF. I won't cook anything. I've tried and my food has been deemed "too weird" and it won't be eaten. So FUCK IT. *sigh* I'm also pissed off at my BIL. But that's a can of worms we won't dive into right now.

And I am mad. I'm mad because I am broke and at the mercy of the friggin' Social Security Office. My account was frozen this month because, according to THEM, I did not comply. Sounds sort of like.. didn't assimilate doesn't it? Well, damn them, I DID TOO COMPLY. I faxed them what they wanted through the local SS office. They never sent me a letter saying what I sent wasn't right or wasn't enough they simply froze my account. I did not get paid this month. AND, they still are holding my back pay. I've called SS twice, the 800 number. I did what they wanted me to do AGAIN. Now, it is back to the waiting game. In the meantime I have no money to deposit in the bank this month.

My not having any money this month has really cut us short. That person I live with took two checks he receives and had them stopped. He reinvested the two checks he had. That means we are almost $1900 short "pay" from now on. I have to learn to live without that almost $1900 a month. Dammit, don't spoil me with having plenty of money, but being careful with it to having a whole friggin lot less money and my having to scrimp and scrounge again. It's just not damn fair. I DO understand why it had to be done, but gee whiz... it sucks. It comes too at a time when I have the wants. I WANT a new sofa. The sofa I have is filthy, worn out and was my ex MIL's and I want it and all the bad cooties OUT OF MY HOUSE. I also want new carpet at LEAST in the living room. But now I have Miss Princess Tiny Tiddles and Turds to deal with. I mean Princess Teenie Weenie, the precious baby. (shit head) I WANT new curtains for winter. This trailer gets COLD. I WANT the living room ceiling and the kitchen ceiling painted. What a friggin' pain in the ass. I also WANT most of the walls in this trailer fixed and painted. Some of my walls have holes and or cracks in them because of the trash that lived here before. All this ain't happenin' I tell ya. I want a gardener/landscaper. I want my sister to MOVE OUT. It will take a year to get the smell out of her bedroom. I WANT stuff. Kitchen stuff, bath stuff, bedroom stuff.

Then I think, here I am..roof over my head, more than enough food as evidenced by my fat ass, money in my pocket, the bills paid. DH and I are in fair health and trying to work on making it better. And I think of my friends and their troubles and I am ashamed of myself for being so petty.

With this being said... I feel somewhat better having just typed it out. I'm going to bed now. Goodnight, Sweet Dreams and Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite! See you when Mr. Sunshine wakes up!