Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Sleep or lack thereof.....

I hope I don't appear in the local newspaper tomorrow. If I do, the headline picture will be me laying sprawled on the church lawn in the midst of the pumpkin patch. I can only imagine what the headline will be. I have to go on the Field Trip tomorrow. I promised. I ordered lunch. It better not be peanut butter and jelly Uncrustables.

I hate not sleeping. I can sleep during the day. That's dumb. I'm missing so much. I sleep well during the day, alone, in my bed. No kid kicking me. No man touching me. No toe nails running up the bottom of my feet just when I finally dozed off. No worrying my bad breath will offend anyone else that happens to be in my bed. No worrying that I will turn over and find some other persons stinky breath breathing on me. I know The Child is taken care of in some way, shape or form and I sleep.

I used to get up early, enjoy the sunrise, spend quiet time with nature. I don't know what happened but now I spend my time with creepy crawly night creatures and boogers and things that otherwise go bump in the night. Maybe a
Vampire bat bit me and I didn't notice? No, they are not indigenous to here. That kills that explanation.

Another reason I can't sleep is my SO is not here. That means The Child gets to sleep in my bed. That was the deal. The Child remembers it quite well. I think it's possible it is written in blood somewhere. I wonder how old The Child will be before she stops sleeping with Mommy? Besides The Child sleeping in my bed the absence of my SO makes it hard for me to sleep. That's rather an oxymoron though, isn't it? I can't sleep with him here and I can't sleep without him.

Did I mention to you that he SLAPPED me while I was sleeping soundly, at night like I am supposed to, last week. In fact, he SLAPPED me TWICE. I caught his hand on the second slap as he was coming up for a third and said, "Yes, dear?" He mumbled something then mumbled sorry and turned over. Me.. I was AWAKE again. I looked at him for an explanation the next morning and he said he was dreaming about kids misbehaving. He said he told them to stop and they didn't so he was going to spank them. Scared the bejeebers out of me.

Another reason I can't sleep is because I apparently am obsessed with TMID. The drama unfolding now, which I won't mention here, has swirled the viciously sharp fragments of shattered dreams and broken promises into a whirlwind that slashes at my brain when I get out of my
Bubble here on the computer and I CAN'T SLEEP. But that is a whole 'nuther can of worms for at least two more blog posts!


Gail said...

so where are the blog posts you promised us? We're waiting! [And my Dr gave me Rozerem,a sleeping pill that is not a controlled substance,and it works almost a third of the time,you may want to as kyou Dr about it ;o)

Mz. Ruta Baga said...

New posts will come. I have to be inspired. :) Be patient!

I have two different kinds of sleeping pills. If I take them at a reasonable time I can use them. If I wait, thinking I can sleep, then I can't because its too late.